Mariner's Compass Quilt by... Terri Kirchner
Hello all!! So very glad you have joined me for another Quilting Bee. It seems like just the other day that we were waiting for the weather to warm up so we could move outside! Now things are a bit cool in the mornings!! It seems a bit soon even for us this far North. The leaves are turning here already!!! So..we are back in our little cottage around a warm, cozy quilt today. I have put out a cool weather feast today. Complete with hot rolls and wonderful cheeses to put in the middle. Hmmm let see there is sour dough, potato, butter flake and buttermilk biscuits and croissants. We have Cheddar, Gouda, Swiss and Colby. There are also several kinds of sliced meat if you would like... honey roasted turkey and ham, roast beef and sliced chicken. Lots of condiments also. Yogurt and granola if you would prefer. There is hot and cold tea and of course...Kona coffee with all the fixing's! Please join me and pull up a chair! I'm thrilled you are here!!
We spent the weekend on a focused pursuit!! A car! It was time. We had run out of excuses to put it off any longer. For so many reasons it was time. The kids have reached an age that they needed to get to places. To not miss chances to do ballet, sports or art, whatever presents itself. Or maybe just going to friends to play. I needed it! I have been blessed with wonderful help through our car less years - all six years of them. We have been driven about when we really needed it. I don't like to ask and we frequently took taxis or now and again rented a car. I have been bartering with one of my wonderful Moms for personal shopping for the last year or so! That was wonderful to say the least. But...of late I have missed doing my own shopping. That time to myself to tootle through the store and see whats new. I miss driving..oh I miss it so very much. I love to drive, tootle around and just explore places! I miss singing really loud in the car - yup I'm one of those people! I miss the freedom. I am relieved that I can do for myself now and not have to rely on others for these things in my life. Today we are the proud owner of a nice little Chevy Blazer. It's used ..but it's new to us! Suhweeet!! It needs a tune up and some cleaning but seems to be a good little truck.
Which brings me to my subject today. Why is it so hard to ask for help when we need it? I hate being indebted to someone, especially when I can't find a way to repay them. I struggle with the idea that someone offers me a service (did I say service...oop meant gift...hmmmm)but refuses to allow me to offer anything back. I know in my heart that they are giving from their soul and I appreciate it deeply. I want to offer up something in return and walk away from this gift with out feeling indebted. Perhaps this comes from the fact that so often in my past, "gifts" came with invisible strings that were yanked hard afterwards. Or maybe just my Libra need to keep things balanced. Either way..the lesson that the Universe has insisted that I learn in the last six car less years is this...sometimes you must take a gift that is offered with grace and say thank you. Period, just thank you nothing else...ok well maybe a hug. That's it pure and simple. Smile, appreciate and say thank you.
So you are wondering was that all you learned?? Well..no. As most painful lessons in life there is always a flip side. That part that tells you that you are to use your hard earned degree in grace and offer it up to someone else. Which is tricky..this offering help stuff. There are feeling to be considered and sometimes pride to work around. Some folks will take it with an open heart and some struggle like I do. Sometimes I have learned it is better to accept a token of thanks from someone. It eases their mind and soul. A trade, a barter, whatever,something small. You see being able to accept thanks in a material way was also very hard for me. Until I understood, sometimes it eases the soul. When you are poor and someone reaches down and gives you a hand, a true loving hand of help, being able to offer something back keeps you above ground if even for a bit. Out of that pit of poverty that you often feel you are in. It reminds you that poor is a state of mind not a state of being. So I guess I am saying is this, be open to a gift in return or nothing at all. Give help without expectations. Sometimes it is about learning to accept a gift and sometimes in being able to give. What do you struggle with..the asking or the giving? Does your past influence your feelings? Tell me about you!
I think I will take some Colby and a potato roll (after all, I am from Idaho) and a wonderful cup of Kona with skim and a bit of sugar. What would you like?? Thank you for joining me again today. Your presence here honors me and warms my soul!!
Namaste, Sarah
Here she is....
19 comments:
This is a fantastic post...nothing less than I ever get when I come to visit.
Like you, and I guess all of us, I've struggled with both parts...the giving and the receiving.
Here's what I think. I believe there are times when we must be equal, as in a barter. You do something for me, and I find a way to give you something you need. That's a way of keeping us feeling powerful.
But, there are times when we must act as Spirit's agents. And, I believe in those times when we must accept a kindness when we have absolutely nothing to give in return, we are acting as those agents. We are giving another the opportunity to learn how to give with no strings attached and to give because it's the right thing to do.
As the recipients we are learning what grace feels like. Spirit gives to us daily with no strings attached. All we need do is be open, receive, and with humility and openness whisper, "Thank you."
So, today, I'm going to say, "Sarah, thank you. For it all."
Enjoy your wheels Gurl!
This is a great topic! I'll have a sourdough biscuit and a cup of Kona with a good shot of milk... mmmm.
I have always found it very hard to accept help (impossible to ask), and as I've gone through my breast cancer treatments, I have had all kinds of help from all kinds of people. It's been overwhelming, but wonderful. My struggle is definitely with the 'asking' for help. I'm getting more comfortable with accepting help (the smile and say thank you part), but I still struggle with asking.
Yet I am so happy to help out others. If they don't ask, I will find a way to help, and if they do ask I'm happy to be able to do it.
You'd think I could then reason out that it's okay to ask those very same people for help.
Congrats on the vehicle, that will bring you a lot of freedom!
A refill on the coffee please?
I have no problem with the giving and doing for others. I truly enjoy helping others. And if my family doesn't need it you are more than welcome to it. I still to this day have a real problem asking for help. I remember finishing my shift at work and finding a flat tire. I struggled with trying to get one bolt off forever. My boss came out and asked,"Why is it so hard for you to ask for help?" to this day, I have no answer.
BB
Dede
The coffee was great, thank you!
I swear, Sarah (not really swearing) you read my mind and my thoughts. My mother and I were just having this conversation last night about taking a gift or tokens that are offered. I'm very much like you. For 35 years we have lived away from our family so when moving closer, I found it very hard to accept their "gifts". I am one that says where there is a will, there is a way and figure stuff out on my own without asking help...it is so hard to do. My Mom gently told me to remember that the GIVING of a gift is more than the receiving. I always enjoy coming here...good food...for the soul!
"She" is beautiful! Have you had her long enough to name her? !!!!
Loved the post -- as always. My mother was not a good influence on me. She thought there was always a string attached to everything. It has been a long road to turn off her voice and *reprogram* myself. But the Universe is good -- especially at hitting me over the head -- until I finally GOT IT. I stumble sometimes, but there is great beauty and grace in giving and receiving in JOY!
Joy to You!
(Just a little tea please. I'm still cooling off after the gym.)
Thank you for this wondeful post. You are blessed and brave for sharing this! So I have walked in similar shoes. I find it much easier to be on the giving side. I'm super happy for you! When I regained the freedom that a car can bring I was jumping for joy! :) I'd love to have some kona with you! Becca
Sarah it looks great. I love the car and you guys must be so excited.
Love to you and looks like things are looking up.
love Renee xoxo
For me, giving is the easy part. Accepting and asking for help--not so easy.
THis is a beautifully written post Sarah. Thank you. It's given me lots to think about.
GREAT car, by the way! Now, let's eat :-)
xo
Congrats of that sassy piece of freedom!
I think I have a problem with both aspects. I grew up having to be self reliant and it has become second nature. So, it doesn't come easy to either ask for help or to receive. On the other hand, I am glad to give a hand. Maybe I just don't have good people skills, don't know.
Here you go again with an interesting post. What I love about your blog is that it is just so full of life! Enjoy your car. :)
YAY Sarah!! You enjoy the ride!!! Roll the windows down and let the wind blow your hair and feel the moment of freedom!!
I have a hard time asking for anything. I love giving, I believe the more we give the more we receive. It has been proven to me over time. I learned the hard way that if I NEVER ask for help I have actually cheated someone out of having the incredible feeling of giving. Once someone asked me to look at it in that light it isn't quite so hard for me. Still asking for help is hard for me, but it does come with a dose of humility which I believe every single one of us needs!!
Ride girl Ride!!!!
must be a libran thing, i sing in my car as well... ;) lol
nice wheels, need the 4x4 for snow?
I LOVE your car! It is absolutely beautiful!
And I have been in your shoes, and had to accept the gift/help, and it is hard. At first! :) Now when I get a chance to help someone, or give someone a gift, I am SO happy if they just take it and say thank you. My heart just sings! I don't need one other thing. There is something intrinsically right about giving a gift for no other reason than you want to do it. It comes from the good place in all our hearts, I think. That place where nothing is expected. Just the wish to be of some sort of help. BTW, I'll take a kona, too (although it's late here and I'll be up all night), and would love to go for a ride after. xox Pam
This is a great post and most interesting subject, Sarah! (BTW, love your new wheels!) I used to have a terrible time accepting help, especially when I was down and out as I didn't have anything to give back. My awesome neighbor straightened me out on this one. One day, she came over and told me to go out for the afternoon, she was going to take my kids and she knew I was just hanging on by my fingernails. I told her no, because I couldn't pay her back. (Her kids were all grown up by then) She said, "Look, I had help from friends and family when my kids were little, now I am helping you, and one day, you will help someone else. It just gets passed along, from one Mother to the next." It was the Pay It Forward kind of thing but way before the movie, just old time common sense and courtesy. So I've learned to accept help when I need it, and sure enough a time will come when I can help another who can't pay me back in some way. It all comes out in the wash as my Mom used to say!
Enjoy that car! Blessings.....
The car looks real nice, thanks for your comment on my "odd" shots !
So 'driving around in my automobile.' Wasn't that a song?
xoxxo
Yea! A car! A car! Congratulations, sister. I know it's been a long haul. I, too have struggled over my lifetime with accepting compliments, gifts, praise and definitely help. But in experiencing other people's reaction to me when I asked if I could help them, I realized that I was doing others a disservice when they just wanted to do something, anything for me and I pushed them off. Our friends don't like to see us struggle; they feel helpless and often it's the one and only thing they can do. So I'm getting better. Takes practice!
It's really, really hard for me to ask for help, esp. from people I don't know well. Part of it is pride -- I was raised in a family that takes great pride in self-sufficiency. It also stems from a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness. The self-talk goes something like this: I need help, so I must have done something wrong to need help; I'm not worthy of help from other people. It's a terrible trap. I'm happy to say that I've been crawling out of that hole, though.
Congrats on your new ride!
What a great post (and truck)!
I think that through my medical things through the years, I have learned to do both the giving and the receiving. I can even ask for help when it is truly needed.
The biggest lesson that I learned through all of the receiving part of my problems as helped me with the giving. Especially when I feel I really have nothing to give in the circumstance.
What I have learned is to give without them asking. The times I've been ill, my friends would just bring over some dinner, one friend picked up my laundry every week and somehow, somebody showed up on my doorstep everyday to take me to the mall for a walk because I needed the exercise.
When my sister was moving after staying at my brothers for a few months, I couldn't help physically but I knew that she would need things to get her kitchen pantry/fridge set up. I came over with all the stuff and watched my nieces baby while they worked.
Life has an mysterious way of teaching us some amazing lessons.
Blessings,
Christine
I'm readomg the rest of your posts but not commenting. Sorry I've been away but just can't seem to get around lately.
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