Monday, July 13, 2009

Quilting Bee #16

Good morning all!! I hope your weekend was restful and fun!! I have put out some delicious treats this morning. There are several types of quick bread, banana, pumpkin cranberry, lemon poppy seed, almond poppy seed & apple cinnamon. There is cream cheese and honey butter if you would like to spread a bit on your treats. I have also sliced some delicious peaches and plums for nibbling. We have several fruit ice teas and of course delicious coffee.
I have racked a quilt with warmth and kindness this week, so pull up a chair and join me won't you?

I have always been the kind of person who tends to wear my friendships easily. I have at an older age become quite good at recognizing when a friendship isn't healthy for me and can step away without too much trouble. As a younger woman..not so much. For reasons we won't rehash here..I was really, really bad at recognizing what a real friend looked like. So...I chose poorly...often. Not to say I never muff it now, I'm just quicker to get it. Somewhere in my thirties I heard or read two concepts that started one of those light bulb moments. Friends are either inch deep or mile deep & you can only have ten mile deep relationships in your life at a time.

So, a few years back I reevaluated the relationships in my life. Not just from my point of view but theirs. At least by their actions towards did they seem to view me, as a inchy or a miler?? I guess was kinda shocked. I had lots of inch deep friendships not because I hadn't wanted or thought they were mile deep, but because they viewed me as an inchy friend. So I started seriously thinking about this concept. I had several friends who I thought were mile deep at the time, but I just could not understand why they didn't see me that way too. I struggled to understand why we just couldn't get beyond the casual friend thing. I was always there when they needed me, yet I was seldom on their list to do things with or call. I know your thinking....hellooooo Sarah..wake up. I did slowly. I was confused and hurt for a while..what was wrong with me?? Truly it really didn't have alot to do with me so to speak..I was not one of their ten, their mile deepers. I had to wrap my head around the idea that I had to pay closer attention to my own ten and determine where I would spend my emotional energy. It wasn't personal it was wise.

I know some of you are thinking..ten..I couldn't do just ten. Ok so sometimes I have a dozen. But I have come to realize a couple things about this concept... the more you spread your self the thinner your attention to any given person becomes. When I say seven, I am including your other half, your children and your friends. Given the size of my family and my need to have an adult life also..I did find that I needed to make a little bit of room for some deep friendships with women here. So..think of the time you have to offer others as a limited commodity. A rare liquid, highly valued. Think of yourself and what you have to offer others as worth something. Because you are worth so very much. I know as women we want to give and give...that is sooooooo me. But.. what happens... that lovely rare commodity does not magically replenish itself unless you take care to not give every drop away. I would like you to consider yourself as one of the seven. The very first one you care for and love. Truly this is the only way you can increase the amount of this delicious liquid you pour out and offer to others. I am saying, consider how you spread yourself among others..are they feeding you too? Do they consider you mile deep?

Now do not get me wrong here. Many of us have those in our lives that cannot give back, but we choose to make them our priority..that is ok too.. you make the rules here. I am asking you to be honest about how you view people in your life. I think most of us have someone in our lives that we continue to make a priority because they deeply need us and we choose to be there for them regardless of the cost to us. I said.."choose"..remember you have chosen to do this without the expectation of a return. Some folks in our lives for one reason or another may never be able to return what we offer them. Just always keep in mind this is your choice.

I have some very deep friendships with women on line!! Does that surprise anyone? I truly think it is amazing how you can form such a deep friendship with someone who you have never seen in person. Sometimes I think these kinds of friendships are better than those in the world out here...we don't judge each other by where we live or what we have, who we are in a relationship with, how fat or thin we are...etc etc.. All of the things as women we should not consider in the first place..but we do... sadly. Think of all those amazing folks we overlook in the real world!! Here we are real,and that is not only amazing but wonderful. Some of us here are inch deep, we cross each others paths and support each other up when we are needed. Give a hand up and a bit of a brushing off or a hug when one has fallen. Men or women, inch deep or are all amazing jewels..every single one. I have found that someone I thought was inch deep, becomes a mile deep friend and sometimes the reverse. Priorities change, life changes. I have been deeply surprised over the years, when I deeply need help..who steps up to the plate.. it is often an inch deep friend. This is a fluid concept.. always changing and needing consideration. I am asking you to share with us if this concept rings true with you or how you make it work in your life. I'm gonna get some coffee and banana bread...luuuuvvvvv banana bread. Thank you for joining me today my friends! Namaste, Sarah

BTW..don't forget to sign up for my giveaway!!


Holly said...

I think this is a great way of viewing friendships, and relationships in general.

When you want to be in relationship with someone and it's not returned, that's an opportunity to grow your friendship with yourself. Make it deeper and richer.

When you end up with friendships that are miles deep, that's about a lesson that has been learned through hard work and the Universe which is always loving and kind, giving you are continual reminder of how rich life can be when you work on growing you spirit, soul, and sense of self worth.

Both sorts are important and necessary. Both.

Hugs and I'll have a peach now, if that's all right?

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Oh my..have you hit the nail on the head! I have a mile deep friend who confessed to me once that she was so pleased that I let her be a deep friend. Her comment was that I rarely let anyone "in". This really made me step back and take a look at how I was towards my inch friends and realized, I didn't let that many people in...I was giving most of that energy to my husband and children. After them, I was pretty spent as far as spreading myself around.
Now that my children have grown and are leading their own personal lives, I have been able to connect with so many other people here online. I'm like you with internet friends..the judging etc. I so look forward to reading and commenting on some blogs just because they are special..deep friends that I've come to care about. I currently have one friend who has become so close that if I don't get an email from her in a day, I'm worried that all is fine. We've never met, but I know we would be extremely close in questions asked.
Great post, my always!!

Sonia ;) said...

I think everyone needs acquaintances and deep friendships. Interaction of any kind is important if you have balance between the both. Can take years to have deep friendships...because it takes a seriously long time to know someone in all their glory and downfalls. Acceptance is a key issue, and forgiveness, and trust.

But as time goes by your able to weed the garden and have the flowers you are looking for.

Hugs and Quacks xoxoxox S

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Lots to think about in your post today -- thanks!

Snap said...

Sarah, you've done it again! Wonderful post. I have a few very deep friends, Mr. Dragon included, perhaps 4, who would drop what they are doing, wherever they are and come running if I shouted.

Then there are the cyberspace friends -- people who I have never met who I think, probably know me as well as inchy friends and probably better.

Something to think about. Well done, my dear!

Sheila said...

You must have been baking all day Sunday - or keep a stack of loaves frozen. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm - yummy! What a tasty treat spread!

Bounced over here from Boho Mom's to check out the quilting bee - thought I could use a bee today. Enjoyed your thoughts on comparative depths of friendship and the reminder of the precious (delicious) liquid we pour out. Can't help but think of the biblical example of the woman who poured out hers freely on Jesus and was chastised by some for it. Doubt she regretted a drop ultimately.

A LOT to ponder on your page today - thanks for choosing to share it.

Sherry Byrum said...

First let me say I want some of that Cinnamon Apple Bread and a slice of Banana too! Spread with a little cream cheese and some coffee! Yum Yum!

That's deep Sarah but I understood every word you wrote. I have been asking myself that very question lately. I have because of reason I don't want to reveal publically (you know what they are) just who has been there for me in my hour of need. I have met women here online that have treated me better then members of my own family. Little gifts arrive in the mail, maybe a card, completely unexpected, they genuinely care about how I am doing and I genuinely care about how they are doing too! As if we were destined to meet, yet we live so far away from each other. I think in a way online we get to know a lot about each other. I've had friends who I thought would be there for me who turned out to be very disappointing. They let me down, but then I must ask did I expect to much of them? It is not always an easy riddle to answer is it. I've learned people come and go, they might have an important message for me and then they are gone, others remain a longer spell. Some maybe a lifetime, only time will tell. I respect all relationships I've had for I've always learned something from having known the person. I consider you one of those mile deep and hope the feeling is mutual.
I also like what you said about spreading yourself too thin, that is easy to do for we all only have 24 hours in a day! Time is a valuable thing, we learn to spend it wisely.
A very good topic Sarah!

KnittingJourneyman said...

But we're making banana bread here! Cause we love it so much too!

This view on friendship is just -perfect.
In my younger days, well, and not so younger days too, I had alot of trouble separating the wheat from the chaff...although I have been improving w age. Thankfully.

I love this concept though. Something in the Waldorf pedagogy rings similar here. A child having only one special doll, not hoards and hoards of dolls. If the child has that 1 doll, she really invests herself (or himself) in that doll, builds a true deep special relationship with that doll. Add in lots of other dolls, and the child is spread out, spread too thin, never makes the deeper connections, never has that special place, that special time.

I learned when my son was much younger to only dwell on the important things and the important people. You have to be true to you, and true to what and to whom is best for you.

stregata said...

Sarah - this was excellent! I so agree, but I wouldn't have been able to word it so precisely! Good to think about this from time to time, as life and relationships are constantly in motion. Thank you for sharing!

Christine said...

Well said. I had a mile deep friend once who unintenionally hurt me in a way that threatened someone I loved. I knew already that she was bringing me down so I just had to let it go. It was sad but it was the best things to do.

As always, your quilting bees are fun and thought provoking.


Kim said...
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