Saturday, May 9, 2009
Needing a Little Help....
I mentioned yesterday that it had been a rough week. Thank you for all the well wishes - it gave me strength and truly helped me feel better...thank you!! You don't know what it meant to me to read them!! I need a bit of help.. here is what's going on....
Have you ever watched those folks at the circus juggling plates on sticks?? I often feel like that is me...one plate is the preschool, one for each child, one for the art, one for the bills - etc etc... all loved plates but only one me trying to keep them all spinning and safe. Now although this is stressful - hello don't all of us have plates spinning, it has been a joy really to have these plates to spin. I really thought as I was spinning all these plates that my feet were on solid ground but it seems I was on a throw rug and it got pulled this week.
A week ago a man pulled up in front of our sweet little cottage and started messing with our picket fence - went out to ask him if I could help him - he said he was erecting a for sale sign????!!!! Ok my heart is in my throat and I asked him if he had the right address... well it wasn't us it was the West# of the same street. But...the hair was up on the back of my neck and I had that deep chest feeling I get...I knew what was coming. Thursday afternoon the owner of our little house called to tell me they were putting it up for sale in one year. Before I say more, let me say this - we have been blessed by this couple to have been here at all and hold no upset with them for this decision. So the whys for their decision is unimportant... it's the "what now" for me that is.
We had expected to be here permanently and at the very least five years. This opportunity has allowed us to pull ourselves out of deep poverty, me to start two businesses & pay the bills every month, be off welfare for the last two years, Jim to go to college, the kids to have their own rooms in a home they are proud of, us all to loose the "poor" and move on to "doing ok", and a couple of pets we adore. Now.. I know your thinking - but you have a year - yes and thank the the owners we do. However having to move this soon truly endangers all of this, we are not so many feet away from abject poverty pit that we don't know it's looming. Moving to a comparable house and finding a rental that will allow a daycare is not only very difficult but will cost us several thousand dollars to manage. So... my first reaction was absolute terror & lots and lots of tears. I - we have worked soooooo hard to get where we have in the last two years... but honestly I needed two more to get to that safe spot where a move wouldn't threaten everything. Right now that is not the case. Beyond that... honestly I adore this little house - adore it. I had expected, hoped, hearts desire wanted it for ours and really had thought it would be and that we had the time to make that happen.
So - here is the really hard part for me - I need help with something from you - no not money. A very dear friend (thank you Sherry) reminded me yesterday to let go and pondered what wonderful thing would come out of this. Breathing... yup sniff, sniff.... light bulb. Have I not already learned this lesson - sigh.. yup have. So today after two evenings crammed full of conversations with Jim & a couple of dear friends, a pity pool, tears, movies, a romance novel and lots of therapeutic artwork... here I am - breathing and a little better, kinda still a bit scared but better. We are... speaking with our bankers and the VA (Jim is a vet and current Guard), although the chances are slim for a loan- it's a no if we don't ask. We are putting out feelers and contemplating our options here - thank goodness they gave us time to do this. Here is where I need your help - I need a wishcast on Saturday- a really big one, prayers, anything you have.. because everything I have built is riding on this one, and I know in my heart all the wonderful things that have happened in the last two years where important and are not meant to be lost. I have learned to ask for what I need & send it out there with intent..I don't know where this will lead but would you join me please and help me send this wishcast out there?
I wish to.....
1. Keep the momentum I have going financially going forward not backwards.
2. That I am able to keep moving in the direction I have been - that being the artwork as a main source of income.
3. That we are able to somehow purchase this home, but if not.. be offered up a similar or better home that will meet our family's & business needs - rental or otherwise.
4. That Jim will be able to continue on with school.
5. That we will not loose our beloved critters.
6. Lastly - that I can have peace with what's coming whatever that is and search out the blessings. I know if I am calm the family will be calm.
Thank you from the very bottom to the top of my heart! Thank you for being there and helping me pick up my plates. Namaste & Love, Sarah