Sunday, October 11, 2009
Quilting Bee #27
Wendy created this fun little quilt!!
Hi everyone!! You may have noticed the change of decor...it was time for me to put on a bit of my darker side and get a bit gothy for Halloween! Most of you who know me a bit ....know I am not really dark. Honestly I can't really create dark artwork..I try..it just comes out cute. But you may have noticed..playing with the photography well..it seems I can be a bit dark there! Next Saturday is the big Halloween blog party and I am getting an early start. Getting myself in the mood to set a spooky table for the party.
So..don't be scared come on in and make yourself at home..still cozy and I have set out a fun quilt & some delicious soups today with hot fresh baked bread! Can you smell it..mmmmmmmm. And the soup... well there is; cheddar cheese with broccoli, or with bacon, potato, egg drop, chicken with wild rice, the most delicious veggie soup you have ever tasted, minestrone, and one of my favorites, New England clam chowder. So pull up a chair and join me!!
I was thinking about regret this week. We all have things that tear at our hearts. Things we have done, thing we have not done, choices made, folks we have hurt. Maybe even deeply wounded ourselves. We all have it...regret. I have my fair share of things I have created that I would rather shy away from and keep locked away. But the truth is.. in those wee hours, they tend to creep out of their holes and make themselves known. What we do with them determines whether we can move on and grow or stay stuck.
When I was going through my divorce I made some choices that effected not only me for years to come, but deeply and painfully effected my girls. Honestly at the time I thought I was making ok choices to take my children and move across the country. We were not safe, he was a threat. Such a threat that I hired a bodyguard, who later traveled with us across the country also. Many of you know this man is now my husband Jim.
The reality was, I had to go back to a southern state to go to court. In short it went badly. To this day no one can explain how an abusive man managed to convince a judge to remand his daughters back to NC into his primary custody. A man whose own psychiatrist testified that he had anger management problems. The testimony against him was damning. Yet... this preschool teaching, Girl Scout leading, Sunday school teaching, homeschooling Mom with no record of anything, ever..lost her children. Why you ask? Well the judge said he didn't like the fact that I had taken the children away. No worry that my ex was abusive..or that the girls had been safe and happy in Idaho for two years. There were ripped from me and that forever changed us all.
My last trip with the girls to Target & the airport, were two of the most painful experiences of my life. Buying them new socks and undies and a few sweet treats from Mama. The airport destroyed me & them. We just sat there and sobbed. We were not ok for months and months. I truly came to understand why people commit suicide during that time. Although I never came close myself, I truly understood the deep pain and regret that would drive someone to leave it all behind. It left me terrified and shattered. But eventually it also made me stronger.
My regret..was not that I divorced him..but that we left NC. I believe if we had stayed it might have gone differently. They are both here now, which I am deeply thankful for..but the damage to my beautiful daughters is mine to carry..the regret mine to hold or let go of.
So what do you do with that kind of regret? I share this, as it is without a doubt some of the most painful and regret filled times of my life to date. What do you do with that gnawing regret that follows hell? I guess I wanted to share this with you because I so frequently read posts by wonderful, dear folks struggling to wade through deep, painful regret. Here is what I have learned. I hope maybe my experience will help.
There is only one good thing about regret..to learn from it. What is the lesson you are being asked to learn? What do you need to ask forgiveness for? What do you need to forgive yourself for? What will you do the next time you face something like this? How will you use this experience to help others? These are the only good things to come from regret...the learning.
Beyond the learning..regret is pointless. It is the past. There is nothing you can change no matter how you weep and gnash you teeth at it..it is over and you cannot change it..ever..it is done. Let it be done.
Someone years ago told me a story about a pebble and a pond. Regret is the pebble you throw into the pond. That is where it should stay. When you insist on revisiting it..you wade back into the pond and fish it out - sometimes over an over again. It is pointless. So throw the pebble you are holding and walk away from the pond. Take with you only the lesson that pebble has given you. Be present!
One more very important thing about having regret...you have to forgive yourself. This is so deeply important. We all make choices based on where our heads are at that moment. Some are good, some are not so, some are horrid choices that damage others & ourselves. It happens..it happens to most of us at one time or another. So..be gentle to you, let regret stay at the bottom of the pond, walk away and be present. To keep it beyond the learning does not serve you in any way. Take your lesson and get unstuck..move on and be free of it. You will find a wiser,stronger you on the other side of letting regret rest.
One last little thing.if you are reading this and it rings true with you..I am sending gentle hugs to you..can you feel them? If you feel moved to share a regret or something you have learned from regret with us, please do. Let Fly with that pebble!
I think I will have some clam chowder and some delicious hot bread and maybe some Earl Grey tea. Mmmmmm...won't you join me?? Thank you for joining me today! You know I love to have you come by!! Namaste, Sarah