Saturday, August 13, 2011
Musing ... going to ground.....
I was recently told that I tend to disappear when things get rough in my life. Uhmmm... yeah I do. I guess I knew this..the whys and where fores not so much..but I knew. Sometimes when life gets a bit crazy and overwhelming I do hole up and hide. I guess I had not realized that others noticed too. Hmmmmm. We all have our coping mechanisms..things we tend to do when we have a rough day, month or God forbid a year! I guess the question is, do we realize we are doing them and are they the best option?
This dear friend of mine let me know that I would write or call after the fact..after the crisis had finished and I was upright again. But in the middle of being run over by a train...I put my big girl panties on and dealt alone...ALONE! Well..somewhat..cause there are a couple folks that I vent to..which is good. But generally those are folks who I talk to via email or the phone. Not people whom I call and say.."can you come by and help me with this". Or..."I am so overwhelmed can you watch my kids for an hour while I take a walk?" Now keep in mind there are a couple dear folks I can call and do just that..so why don't I you ask?
Well here it is in a nutshell. Cause I hate to ask for help. I can do it all myself, I can be the strong one..blah blah blah. Seriously it does not help and frankly it is a little arrogant to think that I can do all and be all and be a functional person, partner, parent and friend. Cause sometimes you just need a break to be yourself..to take care of you and breath!!
Now that Jim is working out of state full time..home now and again for a week. I am on 100% of the time. When he is home he is taking a break..I am taking care of him too. Don't get me wrong I am happy he is here as much as he can be. I just don't think I realized how little break I was getting. Add to that three and a half months..only about four weeks of it with a car. Uhmmmm....hello Sarah!!!
So what clued me in that I was a bit..lets say..stressed out. My friend of course, but there are always clues that we have gone to ground. I watch movies! I watch lots of movies...tear jerkers, emotion evoking stories, stories I can escape into. Books, piles of them litter the table next to my bed. I fly through them, seeking escape in to someone else's life for a little bit. Of course I get cranky and no fun what so ever to be around. I drink too much caffeine cause I am burned out and tired..which only creates other issue. You get the picture..ackkkkkk.
Now, not to say that a little of this is not a good thing. The movies and reading. Ya just have to take a close look at it and gage when your Muse is speaking to you.
"Uhmmmm, hello Sarah...you are in need of a wake up call..this is it....WAKE UP! You have gone to ground. Your big girl panties are pulled up, you are taking care of everyone but yourself. This is not helping anyone, least of all you. Stop, breath, take a bit of time for you, breath, let go of it all for a bit, breath, smile, find a little joy and breath. Just be for a little while!"
Yes, I see it now, I will try to breath today. Deep and cleansing and do something for me that brings a little joy to my soul. Thank you!
Do you find yourself going to ground? Hiding away from it all, escaping. Are you ignoring the elephant in the room. That you are not taking care of you? Is your Muse yelling at you to listen and you are happily turning on a movie..really loud. I would love it if you shared your thoughts with us!!
Thank you for pulling up a chair with me today. Ya know I love it when you pop in and say howdy. There are cupcakes...delicious flavors with butter cream frosting. You know those little bitty ones. Yummmmm! And of course Kona coffee with all the fixin's and today, peach iced tea with lime and fresh mint! Take care of you today all!!