Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I have been struggling along with things all summer. I am not whining..really I am not..I am a bit exhausted..but my warrior woman has come out to play. Actually it was more like a muse, warrior woman intervention! They sat me down a couple times over the last week or so and gently told me how it was. I needed a wake up call and a reality check!
You see in October I am turning 50. I had dearly hoped that by then I would be doing artwork full time. Last fall I took mornings off to do artwork and be at school with the kids on Fridays. But...the reality of the economy and my budget snapped me back to reality this summer. I have spent so very much time working on everything..art, photography, my childcare kiddos this last year..that I had little time for me or my family. I was losing ground quickly. Losing ground in all areas.
So it began to become clear this summer that I needed to regroup. I decided to do what felt like going backwards to me...to start a full preschool program and after care this fall. Full time teaching and back to a house full of little kiddos. All of the kiddos that have been with me the last four years have grown out of the program! So I will be starting a new with a whole new group. I fought this decision for several months before I finally gave in. I battled...I argued..I fought it tooth and nail..cause in my head..I was losing ground.
But a funny thing happened when I finally cried uncle and gave in...I felt relief..like a weight had been lifted. I realized how much I had missed teaching this last year..and began to feel...what is this...
That was unexpected..surprising..pleased!! Don't get me wrong..I wasn't burned out by the kiddos..or teaching..just thought at 50 I should be doing something else. It would seem that my Muse and Warrior Woman had other ideas. They gave me hugs and supported me up and helped me bravely move on from moving backwards. Sometimes backwards is the only thing to help you move forward!