Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Musings...moving backwards.....


I have been struggling along with things all summer. I am not whining..really I am not..I am a bit exhausted..but my warrior woman has come out to play. Actually it was more like a muse, warrior woman intervention! They sat me down a couple times over the last week or so and gently told me how it was. I needed a wake up call and a reality check!

You see in October I am turning 50. I had dearly hoped that by then I would be doing artwork full time. Last fall I took mornings off to do artwork and be at school with the kids on Fridays. But...the reality of the economy and my budget snapped me back to reality this summer. I have spent so very much time working on everything..art, photography, my childcare kiddos this last year..that I had little time for me or my family. I was losing ground quickly. Losing ground in all areas.

So it began to become clear this summer that I needed to regroup. I decided to do what felt like going backwards to me...to start a full preschool program and after care this fall. Full time teaching and back to a house full of little kiddos. All of the kiddos that have been with me the last four years have grown out of the program! So I will be starting a new with a whole new group. I fought this decision for several months before I finally gave in. I battled...I argued..I fought it tooth and nail..cause in my head..I was losing ground.

But a funny thing happened when I finally cried uncle and gave in...I felt relief..like a weight had been lifted. I realized how much I had missed teaching this last year..and began to feel...what is this...
EXCITED!

That was unexpected..surprising..pleased!! Don't get me wrong..I wasn't burned out by the kiddos..or teaching..just thought at 50 I should be doing something else. It would seem that my Muse and Warrior Woman had other ideas. They gave me hugs and supported me up and helped me bravely move on from moving backwards. Sometimes backwards is the only thing to help you move forward!
Namaste, Sarah

14 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Like they say, 50 is just a number. Your dream of being a full-time artist will come true in its own time. Until then, do what you have to do for good financial health. You have/are a wise Muse and Warrior Woman!

Bonnie said...

How you frame things is important. Even the words we choose to describe things, set a tone about our situations. I wonder about your use of the word 'backwards'. You may not have expected to continue with the teaching, but you excel at it and continuing with it will serve an important purpose - supporting you as you tend to your family and your other avocation(s). Just a thought -

umbrellalady said...

Sometimes Sarah you are so wise. It really is ok to give yourself permission to "go back" as a means of going forward. It is also a way of recharging the batteries because going back is like putting on those wonderful old shoes - maybe it doesn't look great on the outside but they feel so-o good on the inside.

jinksy said...

Sometimes reversing simply lets you take a more direct route forwards...

Christine said...

I am so happy that you found your "truth." I went to Brave Girls Camp this summer and the main thing that she taught us was to find our truth. Everyone, even you, tell lies and when you find that "truth", everything is going to work out the way it should!

I'm happy that this is going to be a good decision. You need to be happy with what you have decided to do!!!

Blessings,
Christine

The Girlie-Queue said...

Boy do I *hear* you woman!!! :) As I sit at my desk with my lovely fishes swimming next to my monitor I am truly thankful for the artist you are... but i am truly grateful that someone like you cares enough to be there for 'the kiddos'. I'm glad you gave your spirit a chance to sigh♥ ;)

Jeanne said...

Sarah, You are a natural born teacher. I learned that from the classes I have taken from you. I know the kiddos that you have already taught and the ones that you will be teaching have and will be receiving a very precious treasure in having you guide them.

Many blessings to you on this road.
And don't fret...when you least expect it, your dream of being a full-time Artist will come to fruition.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Sarah, You are so smart and brave and I have no doubt all this will work out. and you will be life-changing for your kiddos. They are so lucky to have you.

Fifty was really hard for me. I hated the whole idea of it and measuring myself against the milestone. But in the earn I learned "We ain't our Mama's 50" and we still have plenty of time to make the things happen that are meaningful to me.

Your art is fantastic and I know, in time, it will carry you to your goals.

You go girl! xo jj

Donna B said...

Lots of excellent comments here...Sarah, you are talented and you are strong. Personally, I don't think you are going backwards, I think you are re-routing and re-arranging your creative efforts. Teaching is very creative and you will reach your goal. Forget the numbers.
Hugs to you.

TechnoBabe said...

Relief and excitement sound like it really a good thing for you. Heck, a birthday is just a number ya know!

Sherry Byrum said...

Working with children is certainly not going backwards! It is a noble occupation!

faerwillow said...

~50 is just another year towards higher achievements...wiser in thoughts...a passion that is still fueling its fire...sometimes we have to take two steps back to see the light...the big picture...the place we are meant to be...you hold a gift that many do not...patience...compassion...a spirit that teaches and fills the hearts and minds of our young...a blessings you are in their day to day...i wish for you a wonderful adventure with this new group of littles...you never ever know what will come to be...until you try...your art is instilled in you and i know you will find ways to let your inspirations run free...much l♥ve and light upon you Sarah~

Terri said...

hey Sarah.....don't fret, it's a tough decision and I wrestle with it myself. I've been getting back to doing photography, done a couple weddings, done some senior pictures and have great ideas and all kinds of stuff, but it just isn't enough to support the bills alone....and unfortunately neither is yoga....so I waitress, and it feels backwards to me too. But I think it's only backwards if you stop doing your art. Your dharma is a teacher.....so is mine...we don't get out of it that easy, lol...but it doesn't mean you can't do your art.

speaking of that....i am wanting to teach kids yoga again at the studio....I miss the kids! You should ask your new parents if they would be interested in doing like a little yoga PE class option over here once a week or something and we could walk the kids down here. I'm just throwing out ideas lately and seeing if they get legs. Lots of parents have asked me about kids yoga class, so I'm thinking I better get on it. Lemme know what you think ok?

Don said...

I think time, especially years, are like spirals around a cone. As you go round the cone, moving upward through the years, it sometimes appears that you are back where you started: moving backwards. But you're not. You're in a different, higher place. It looks somewhat familiar, that's a bit confusing, but familiar isn't the same as the same.

Best of luck moving forward.

(By the way... I happended over from your poem about the hummingbird. I'm glad I did.)

Don