Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Our dear Jamie has asked us this morning... What do you wish to know? Hmmmmm...well..what don't I want to know? Focus...focus....Hmmm...ok...how do I write this...I wish to know the lesson..the gift in every challenge that I am given. As I walk through life that I see the gift and not the struggle. I wish to know continuing awareness.
Over the last 40 years or so I have been given many hard lessons to walk through. Domestic violence, loss, deaths of dear ones, unwed motherhood, wealth and then deep poverty, divorce, horrid custody battles and separation from my children for periods of time. A whole boatload of pain...over and over again..in long rivers of heartache. For many years I lived in victimhood ..lost and wondering how I had gotten to this place or another...and why...I asked a lot of why questions.
Of course as you know when you ask why...you tend to get answers. A tap on the mental shoulder and..."Uhmmmm Sarah...choices...you made choices...here are the answers to them. How are you going to deal with them this time..what did you learn...what did you glean from the last horrid experience..ARE YOU AWAKE THIS TIME?"
I woke up...I quit being a victim..I started to see the lessons in my pain. Better yet..after that I began to see the gifts I was being given to use.. the gifts behind the lessons. The true meaning of fired by steel...what being present really meant. The huge gift of awareness!
So today, what do I wish to know is this ..I wish to know continuing awareness. I wish to be present in my daily wanderings and if there are struggles and lessons that I am aware of my place in them..my responsibility and that somehow I may walk gracefully through them. That is what I wish today... what do you wish to know today?