Wednesday, May 25, 2011
It has been quite a while since I have wishcasted. Lots of excuses..no time, life changes..etc etc etc...not good ones..but there you are. I have not been wishcasting. So given how I have been feeling of late..scattered and sad...it occurred to me last night that I might want to get back to it. I know I am rather slow on the pick up at times..but anywhoo..here I am ...wishcasting. Jamie has asked us today..."What do you wish for your health?" Hmmmmmmm....
Having Jim gone for his job..and having taken the car..that has left me walking everywhere. To be honest I had been trying to get back in the walking mode for a bit now..but no car kinda forced the issue. So far in May I have done 75 miles and dropped several inches and ten pounds. So....I am happy for this to continue the way it is going over the summer..25-30 miles a week and 10 + lbs a month. I have changed my eating habits..mainly vegetarian. Some eggs and chicken in there now and again..but mostly vegetarian. Drinking lots of water..cut out lots of sugar and caffeine. So ...in that respect..I am doing well. WHOOOT!
Now...there is the issue of my emotional state..which I think needs a bit of attention really. The walking so much is helping..is meditative and the exercise makes me feel good and sleep like the dead LOL! It is funny how when life changes dramatically..you find out who really cares about you. When you might need something..like help..a ride...an ear etc.. how folks just kinda disappear. So..it was a bit of a small shock to find this occurring when Jim went to work..folks disappeared. Some of them, folks who I was really close to..I thought. Seriously I don't ask for much..but I have been a bit shocked to find certain people in my life unavailable completely. What is worse is when they offer to do something..then never show up. I was a bit thrown the other day..two miles from home, bag full of groceries, in the pouring rain..when a gal I know well drove by me opened her window..hollered "Hi Sarah" and then kept driving??! Sigh. I thought well..Sarah maybe you have to speak up and ask..so I did..and well the response was painful as well...too busy..can't right now. Will call you back..will get back with you..I know the drill really I do.
So I am struggling with this right now..feeling a bit alone. Frankly I am struggling with even sharing this. You know you have hit the problem right on the head when you sit all sobby writing a wishcast post..yup I pegged what I needed. I need to be ok with folks being this way, I feel the need to be clear headed about this. I need to find a way to process my hurt and move on and be ok with it all. It is a clarifying time for me..at least relationship wise. I was not prepared for it..but there it is. Cause I feel a bit like crawling under a rock and hiding..which seriously never works..I want to feel like Letting Fly with the warrior me again..she has taken off her armor and left her flank vulnerable. So there it is. My wish for this week. Thank you all..I have missed you. I feel better just being back in the fold.
Hugs and love, Sarah