Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year Musings..


It is that time of the year that we evaluate our year..our effectiveness in the world. For me it is a time that I evaluate my balance. Ehmmmmmm...balance..what is that..and where the heck has it gone off to?

A few years back my Muse took a long extended vacation to Hawaii..I am thinking my Balance has rented the same sweet cottage there..and has been considering taking up permanent residence. Sometimes we have to get that wake up note from parts of ourselves saying....WAKE UP! Ok...am awake and I have been listening..and meditating..don't be shocked..I did find a few minutes to do so. Monkey mind ensued and not much was enlightened..but enough that I had a moment. This is what my Balance told me.

Much of my life I was a devoted and practicing Christian. I didn't fit really well there...I asked too many questions and argued doctrine a bit too much. I wanted to understand the nature of God and why some interpreted it one way and others another. I was Biblically well read and had studied with a passion. Frankly I drove my pastors to annoyance. Still..I felt outside of the norm..I did not fit in there. There were many things that kept me from feeling at peace within the boundaries of Christianity. So after my divorce as many do..I became a bit of a seeker. I will state clearly that I did not abandon my faith in God..I just sought to expand it. We all...I believe deeply are put here to find our path and how we should worship in our own way. I for one..and some may disagree..feel that this practice should be respected..that we each should be allowed to follow our given path. Ok..am rambling and preaching...sorry..back to my point.

When you lose balance as a Christian and lose your way it is called backsliding..as though you are on a slippery slope at all times. I often felt that way. Always struggling to make the grade. Getting distracted by life.. forgetting my practice..forgetting to pray and read. After my divorce, my belief system evolved to encompass other practices like meditation, yoga, Reiki, Buddhism and the natural way of the year to follow one season after another..my practice grew and reshaped. I read and learned and added some pieces of one system and bits of others until I found a bit of balance in what felt correct to me. This offered joy and thanks to my higher power..and blessed the real me..not a small part of me..all of me. This has brought me great joy to worship in this way..great peace.

So here I am December 31st and as I spent time in meditation..it came to me in a quiet and gentle voice...that I was out of balance. I had stepped away from my practice. I had allowed the world to step in and take away my peace..I had forgotten that everything changes..constantly..that I could only control certain things..like my mind and my choices..not others and theirs. I had allowed stress and the chaos of the world to not just throw me off balance..but right off the cliff and into the deep waters. I have been treading water for most of the year. It did not occur to me to swim for shore..then sit down and breathe. Even when it crossed my mind I allowed myself to be distracted again. So rather than say that I have backslidden..I will say that I turned my back and wandered off the path..I got caught up in the bush. I have managed to find my way back to the path again. Not alone.. I had some serious help here..for that I thank so many of you. For hanging in there with me and offering me a loving and supportive hand.

This December you all reminded me who I was..what was important and above all..that I was cared for. Funny how in the middle of chaos we seem to loose that one. There are no words to say how deeply you have effected my life! No words. Your grace is astounding and I am blessed to have received it...thank you.

May each and every one of you have a blessing filled New Year. I will simply say Namaste.."I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."Love, Sarah

17 comments:

Faerie Moon Creations said...

Those are never alone who have friends. I hope you find continued peace and happiness in the New Year for your and your family. :) Theresa

Diane MacNaughtan * Dianie Mac * said...

Wishing you The best in 2011!
Happy New Year!!!

~Diane

Christine said...

Wishing you a bright new year full of balance and peace! Blessings to yoou my friend. xx

Cinner said...

Dearest Sarah, wishing you all the best of all things in 2011. just be you, my perfect strong loving Sarah. Whatever brings you peace and wisdom. hugs to you.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

May 2011 bring you the balance, peace and joy which you seek and so richly deserve, dear Sarah!

Aimee Jeffries said...

Such a beautiful and peaceful post :) Namaste and Happy New Year!

TechnoBabe said...

You have a busy life with many responsibilities. Wandering off the path sometimes is like having a retreat in some ways. I hope the year 2011 is peaceful and joyful for you and your family.

Sarah Lulu said...

Wonderful post!

I believe life is like a spiral ..we drift away from our centre and move back again over and over ...our faith waxes and wanes ...no matter what it is we believe.

Much love to you,

Jeanne said...

May 2011 bring your heart love and your soul peace. And may the light of Friends and Family always shine on your path.
Happy New Year my dear friend. ♥

In the eye of the beholder said...

This is a great way to reflex about the past year and new one to come. How you feel about yourself and what you believe is the greatest growing we can do for our self's. Most of us walk around not knowing what they believe only walking blindly on what others tell us too. Believing in yourself is the greatest step you can take in finding Happiness. You have to be like yourself so others can see the real you or your always hiding your true nature. Have a great New Year! and thanks for the great post!

Caroline said...

Happy New Year! :)

Joanna Jenkins said...

Dear Sarah, Sending you and yours a big, warm hug and wishes for a balanced, happy and healthy 2011. You know i'll be cheering you on, as always.
xoxo jj

The Hermits' Garden said...

It happens to the best of us, Sarah. Glad you remembered your peace...it's always waiting for us.
Happy New Year!

umbrellalady said...

My mother always said that her belief in God had nothing to do with church. It was all about belief and what was right for the individual.

Hope your path is stronger and more fulfilling for 2011.

Have a great new year!

Tammie said...

oh, I am sorry that I did not know you were going through a hard time. I would have sent loving support.
How lovely that you have found your way to a peaceful and steady stance. your words and post are inspiring and I thank you for sharing.

light, from my hear to yours.

Tery Lynne said...

Happy New Year to you! Our spiritual journey is a life long process to learn and grow! Kudos to you for being you!

Gail H. Ragsdale said...

Oh, dear Sarah! We lead parallel lives!

Here's hoping to a better year for the both of us~

In love and light, Gail