Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Our fearless leader Jamie has asked us this morning...What do you wish to be gentle with? I guess the very first thing that popped to mind was myself. But the more I thought about it the more the direction changed..I want to be more gentle with myself of course..but I also want to be more gentle on those in my family..my kids especially. Not that I am rough on them..but I have been thinking about this for a bit now.
I have been a Mama for a long time now..29 years. My oldest Julia will be 29 this summer and my youngest Nonni will be 7 in the fall. Kate 22, Hanna 17 and Fox 11 all in the middle. Although they are all about 5 or 6 years apart..they are truly two sets of kids. They all consider each other siblings..not half siblings. But the older three are on their own and the younger two are still home.
What is my point..well with the first three...we had money, I was a stay at home mom mostly, we vacationed, we shopped, went to the movies, went to museums, had a car, a boat, home schooled...we had it easy. I had time to do art projects and play and go on long walks, read books, consider pond algae..you get it..I had time to just be with them and play.
When I divorced my first husband due to abuse etc..I knowingly left behind being well off. Well kinda knowingly..I have learned some very deep and hard lessons about the reality of poverty. I have also worked my backside off climbing out of that pit. As I have been struggling and working I have not had as much time to play with my younger two as I would like. I have not had the frame of mind that I did with the first three as much as I would like... that "let go play and just have fun today" freedom. That free time to play and do things on a whim. I am so busy trying to make sure the family stays above the water line..I have to remind myself to stop and play.
So I want to be gentle and relaxed with my younger two..to make sure I make the time to breathe and be carefree with them. I know the reality is that things are different and I am the breadwinner..but I need to make sure that they got the same fun Mama that their older siblings had. As I am aware my roles have changed and am ok with that..I need to make sure that I keep some of that old Mama silliness too. So maybe I need to not only be gentle with them..but with me too. What do you wish today? Namaste, Sarah