Thursday, June 28, 2012

Wandering with Direction...



Wandering with direction..I know that sounds like an oxymoron..but there are many of us that do just that. Even when we don’t realize that our wandering path is still leading to our True North.  It has been a bit since I have mused..or done a quilting bee here. I was chatting with a couple women in my life this week and realized how very much I missed writing here..and having you all chat right back. I missed you all. So here I am..contemplating my path.

I am 52 come October and my sister will be 60 this week. We have been chatting about our ages and what that feels like to us. Often that conversation focuses on where our paths have led. The expected and the unexpected. Which led me to consider just where I have ended up and how I got here.

I was NOT one of those young people that had a clear vision of what I wanted to be when I grew up..I waivered and wandered.  The fact that at 51 I am just now finishing my degree speaks volumes. I could easily say I was clueless..but that would not be true.  I could also feel frustrated that I have taken this long to find my path..or focus. But ya know…I don’t feel that way.

After the last year of wondering how on earth I ended up being 51 and kinda poor and how did that happen, and what the heck…I snapped out of it. I had an epiphany..I like who I am! I like who I have become..I had a path all this time..I just didn’t see the whole picture! I am a teacher..maybe teaching different things to different ages..but still teaching. I am creating as I always have..new things all the time..but still creating. These are things I have ALWAYS been. So as I have wandered about taking side paths and exploring this thing and that..I have been learning and honing in those skills..teaching and creating. The summer I spent running program at Girl Scout Camp (OMG that was fun) I was teaching and creating…all summer. All those years working with different ages of children and creating with them…all those adult classes I have taught.  I have been at times accused of being a Jane of all Trades..unfocused..even called Martha Stewart at times because I have mastered so many creative disciplines.  But through the years I have gone about learning many craft..to be honest there are several still on my list..I wanna learn to make glass beads and weave baskets, spin yarn. I have always been fascinated by craft!

So what is my point here? I often hear folks say that they are unfocused..have so many interests..why could they not be like their sibling who knew just what to be at 15 and did that. Like somehow that is better than wandering a bit. “Not all those who wander are lost!!!!" (JRR Tolkien) we are just lucky. We get to try out lots of hats until we find one..or many as the case might be that fit! I have a bunch of them.  We are those “Creative’s” who are Allowed to play a bit! I own my own little cottage, have FIVE wonderful kids, run my own business and am a senior in college!! How wonderful is that!?

So here at almost 52 I am pretty happy with me. I am unique..uncommon..a bit of a geek and I am ok with that. Why..cause I am also a powerful force to be reckoned with! There is nothing more powerful than a happy woman!!  So even though my life is not exactly what I expected it to be at 51..it is oh so much more!! Who can argue with that!!?? I am kinda excited to see what comes next!!

So please take a minute and tell me what in your life is so much better than you could have dreamed?  Tell me how you have wandered..do you see a pattern? Tell me about beautiful you!!!  Hugs all!

8 comments:

magikalseasons said...

So true friend! Althoudgh my wandering hasn't been easy I wouldn't change a thing. :)

Holly said...

Oh, sure I can relate to this, especially since moving to the Burg of Green and having my whole Self identity challenged to the point of being non-existent. I use this quote from TR. often when it comes to talking about younger people and children. What looks like random motion to someone on the outside might be part of a very specific learning or journey from the one who is doing the walking.

I think a lot like this lately. Especially as I will be 57 in a few weeks and honest to gawd, I can't say how I got here. I think I only feel lost when I compare my place and path with others and my notions of what is right or wrong. When I just walk, and keep walking, the path is not covered in emotional land-mines that blow up all over me.

I love you. And so glad that you can understand and embrace the 'rightness' of you!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Nobody's life turns out the way they expected. We all have to learn that. You've done very well with your life -- keep on loving, teaching, creating, etc etc!

justsoyouknow said...

The quote above seems derived from JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Ring, particularly in the movie "The Fellowship of the Ring".


Ed Butowsky

Sarah said...

Thank you Ed...think I mentioned that :)

Don said...

Great post. I too have taken paths less traveled, but have ended up very happy, indeed blessed, at the eventual outcome. I began a Liberal Studies degree in 71, dropped out of college in 76, got married in 78, had three children and began a career in data processing. My wife was diagnosed with cancer and we did alternative therapies for 6 years. Widowed at 43. "Retired" and became Mr. Mom for two years. Met and married a widow at 45. Went back to college an in '98 finished my BA. Finished my Masters in 2000. In 98 I began teaching Special Education. Navigating through life for some involves fewer tacts, but I have to say, I am so happy and grateful for how my life has turned out. A year ago, my oldest daughter moved her family from Maryland to California: two blocks away. My wife and I get to be grandparents. I play racquetball with my daughter. I'll be 59 this year. Being different is always easy, but it's easier to be different, when you really are. It's just being you. Go friend! (Long reply... from a fellow traveler.)

Yarrow said...

Hey hun, your stirred my brains cells a bit with this post :D

I was on my path as a wife and Mama and that's how I saw myself. A homemaker. After my marriage ended, I thought my path had to change, and it has a lot, but I'm still a homemaker first as it's where my heart is. But at last I'm able to enjoy being an artist and a healer too and that is only possible now I'm alone!!!

Like you, I'm happy and excited now :D

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