Monday, September 21, 2009
Quilting Bee #24
This darling quilt is done by Melissa!
Good morning all! It is a very chilly morning here..I have actually stoked the fire. Can you smell that delicious wood smoke..mmmmmmm! So we are cozy inside again and it is cool enough that I feel like quilting! I have set out a hearty breakfast of homemade egg sandwiches with ham or sausage and no meat at all if you prefer. Hot scones with berries and a few maple walnut and chocolate chip ones too. I have the end of the season plums and peaches to savor. Hot tea for today I think with herbal and a bit of Earl Grey..my favorite. Of course there is Kona coffee and all the delicious things to add. I have racked a cozy quilt for us today. Please pull up a chair!!
I was thinking about groups this week. Groups out in the "real" world. When you join a group out there do you jump right in? Are you a leader, a follower, the quiet one, the one who really does not want to be there? Do you find it easier to join in here online? I went to a get together yesterday, led by a gal I love. I haven't been to one of their gatherings in a while..just a friendly coffee. Well..the last time I went it was..this was a bit different. I was unprepared for the serious nature of the groups makeup now. So unlike my normal self, who jumps in and is an extrovert..I sat back and observed. Totally not like me. I watched some checking out the new folks..to some of them I was new. I watched some folks try to step in and take over and step on others words and thoughts. It was a surprisingly stressful meeting. I loved seeing a few of the folks I know, but honestly felt a bit out of place.
When I was a younger woman, I really struggled with the fitting in part. I have been told I am uncommon - a nice way to say odd. I'm an artist what do ya want? I have been told I am too nice, what is too nice???? Can you be too nice? Hmmmm. I have been a leader and a follower and sometimes..I have been the one left out. I hate that..when the leader of a group for no understandable reason takes a dislike to someone. There is a responsibility that goes with leading I think..that fairness factor, that shuts down gossip and expects the best of everyone and gives it herself.
So yesterday as I sat watching the group and observing the interplay between members competing for power..I was observing my own new behaviour. Why was I sitting back and being that person that watches and speaks little. Believe me it is not me at all. What made me uncomfortable? It occurred to me in a jolt..I no longer fit here, in this group. The leader and several of the members I adore, but as a whole this was no longer my place to be. Somewhere in the last few months I think my heart knew this, but my head still felt loyalty to my dear friend. I was squirming in my seat. As I walked home I felt relief to be heading home. I also felt guilt that I didn't want to be there, I don't want to disappoint my friend.
It was then that it struck me..sometimes things just don't fit anymore, groups don't fit anymore, jobs, lifestyles, belief systems, friends. Sometimes as we grow and change we have to let go of things that hold us back, that no longer fit. Those comfortable things we have worn for so long, now feel itchy and uncomfortable. So..I am taking it off and moving on. Not from my friend whom I adore, or even some of the delightful members, just the group part. It has left me to ponder though..have I been hanging on to other things that I need to evaluate? Maybe. I don't do this without great thought..but it must be done. That deep, honest soul cleaning. I feel a bit lighter today..I really do. Would you like to share something you have let go of as you have grown?
So I think I will have a berry scone and a Kona coffee..I do love my coffee! Can I get something yummy for you? Thank you so for joining me today!! I do love it when you are here!! Namaste, Sarah